Conversation partner Part 4

This most recent time meeting with Fanny was absolutely the most informative and interesting of all of the meetings I have had with her thus far. We began as usual. A little of this. A little of that. And then all of the sudden...BOOM...it got personal. She shared so much about her life with me and I am so grateful to have heard all of her stories and how she overcame them.

I am still not entirely sure of her husbands job, but I know they must travel often for it. Awhile ago, when her daughter Katie was still young, they had to move to Bangladesh. Though they didn't want to go, it was the only viable option for them to stay together as a family in one location. When they arrived, she already had some uneasiness.

A couple days in, her husband asked her to run to the market. She went alone, wearing normal American type clothing (a blouse, and form fitting pants). She wasn't showing too much skin or anything, but she said since she was not covered head to toe, she stood out a lot and brought a lot of attention. At the market (which was outdoor and in broad daylight surrounded by many people), she noticed four men had been following her. She quickly switched her direction to see what they would do. Again they followed.  Eventually, they were surrounding her on all four sides. They came close and began yelling and scolding her in Bengali (which she did not understand at this point). She could tell, however, that it was rude and horrible things they were saying by their nonverbal communication and gestures. One of the men grabbed her chest so hard that she said she was purple with bruises for over two weeks. The other men started laughing and continued to yell at her. She began to sob and didn't know what to do, so she ran from them and approached the first woman she saw to plead for help. The woman looked straight at her, understanding exactly what had happened, and proceeded to spit on her face.

After this event, she never went anywhere alone, let alone anywhere at all. She began to retract further and further away from the public and stayed at her house most of the time, too afraid to leave and have another horrible experience. Her descriptions of Bangladesh were so vivid and meaningful. One could easily tell her disgust of this place. She described the men as dogs, licking their lips and pouncing on women not covered up. She said anywhere she went she had this problem. She also explained to me that the hospitals recycled syringes, and when her daughter got sick, she didn't know what the safest options were. She was not going to allow recycled syringes to be put anywhere near her baby, but also wanted her to get some sort of medical attention. They flew to Thailand to get proper medical attention and supplies to bring back.

She so badly did not wish to return to Bangladesh, that on the plane flight back, she had a panic attack. It was set in motion because a flight attendant had run to clean up a spill on a passenger. The sight of the running induced a panic attack in Fanny. She choked up, got very sweaty, and could not breath nor speak. Since this was the first time this happened to her, her husband did not know what was happening. An in flight doctor thought she was having a heart attack, and they were forced to land the plane in a different location to get her medical attention. Upon investigation, they found it was not a heart attack, but purely anxiety caused. She was forced to undergo treatment (therapy) to see, in her words "What horrible experience from her childhood triggered this." She, had not had anything traumatic occur in her childhood, it was simply Bangladesh. She did not want to go back. She hadn't felt safe in many months, and felt helpless to protect her baby girl from the horrible actions that took place.

She shared with me that after that, things were different for her. She lost a lot of weight. She would get anxious in the middle of the day for her daughter's safety in school. She would run to the school simply to see Katie and make sure she was okay. She lived every day in fear, never being happy.  One day, the generator in her building got turned on, and she thought it was an earthquake at first. The way she put this was so beautiful. "My head realized it was not an earthquake and that I was fine, but my body didn't understand." She went into another anxiety attack at home. They had to go back to Thailand to treat her and make sure she would be okay.

When they finally left Bangladesh, the fear stopped. She put the weight back on, and never had another panic attack. I asked her if she thought this made her stronger, and she responded "Absolutely." It had shown her the poorest of the poor and the hungry, but she had also been exposed to horrible people that wanted to hurt her. She has learned to love what she has and feel blessed every day for her life and her daughter's safety. This brought her closer to God and made her faith even stronger than it was then.

Here are some pictures she shared with me of her life in Bangladesh. 

             

Conversation Partner Part 3

Today I met with Fanny for the third time. Since we hadn't met in a couple weeks due to extenuating circumstances, we began our conversation by catching up. We discussed small events in our lives in the last couple of weeks.  She then described to me something I thought was very interesting. She had to cancel last Thursday for our meeting because she got called in by the director of the program she is a part of here at TCU. He had told her it was very important and she needed to be there in order to register for her next term here at TCU as an international student. She went to the meeting and the director told her a teacher had complained about her attitude and rude behavior in classes, and she was of course shocked by this news, since she is just about the sweetest person I've ever met. She told the director "Please let me speak to the professor because if I've offended her, I want to apologize because it was not intentional." He continued to disregard what she was saying and claimed she had been rude in class for quite some time. When the teacher finally arrived in the office, she looked at Fanny and said "This is the wrong student." Fanny was then relieved to find out that she wasn't actually in trouble, however something about this story struck me as wrong.

She said that the actual student in trouble was a much younger Columbian girl in a similar program here at TCU.  The teacher, I assume, had gone to the director and said that a "Columbian girl" in her class was being disrespectful and rude in class, and the director thinking he knew the only Columbian girl in the program, called Fanny in and assumed it was her.  This rubbed me the wrong way. Don't you think they should have checked and made sure who the student was before calling them in to a serious meeting in his office to be scolded? There are two things in this situation that bother me greatly. Not only did the teacher refer to her student as "the Columbian girl," taking away her name and identity and assigning her identity to her race and ethnicity, but the director didn't question who "that Columbian girl" was in the program and simply assumed it was Fanny.  If he had really known her, he would have known she would never be rude intentionally and if there was ever a question of offense, she would quickly apologize for having a miscommunication.  It pains me that in an international program here at TCU, the director would succumb to racial identities when referring to his students.  Fanny, who has never been in trouble, because she is such a sweetheart, was terrified by this accusation that she had done something wrong and was in danger of not being able to register for the next term of classes. To me, this is inexcusable. I have to admit, I am disappointed with the people involved in this process for letting this happen to Fanny.  If it had been me referred to as "that white girl," I would have lost it. Please have the decency to use their name. They deserve that right as a human being. 

Anyways, now that I am done with my rant, I can continue with the conversation. We spent a lot of time discussing troubles we have with each other's language. I have been having a lot of issues lately in Spanish with the order of words. For example in English we would say "Maria is here" however in Spanish the order of words appears like so: "Here is Maria."  When translating English phrases into Spanish ones, I tend to use the incorrect order of words. She is having issues with her writing in English as well and confused "has" with "had" and "have."  We discussed how it would just be so convenient if the whole world just knew the same language. We then laughed at how ridiculous we were sounding with this philosophical and impossible view we expect of the world. 

I've found that each time I meet with Fanny, the time goes by faster and conversation is much easier to attain. We don't stall in our words to think of what else to discuss. Instead it flows rather tirelessly.  The hour went by so quickly today, I felt like there were so many more things I'd like to talk about with her. 

I felt very pleased when I showed her the book we're reading in my "Panorama of Spanish Literature" class here at TCU and she was very impressed that I could read and understand it. She kept saying "You're better at Spanish than you think you are Madi."  This made me feel much better. For some reason, I have a huge fear that when I try to speak Spanish to native speakers, they will judge me or think about how horrible my pronunciation is compared to theirs, etc. But hearing this reassuring comment from Fanny helped my confidence in Spanish a lot more. I am thankful for her help in breaking me out of my so to speak "Spanish shell." 

I am looking forward to meeting with her again soon, because we are becoming friends now and enjoy spending time together. 

What I've Learned Part 2

With family weekend, homecoming, and fall break all around the same time, I've been thinking a lot about my family.  There are fundamental importances of being with your family and loving them more than anything.  They really do take precedence over all.  There is a specific feeling that cannot be achieved unless you are with your family: complete solace and security.  The other day I was feeling sick (being sick at college without family may be the worst feeling in the world), and I called my dad, and was just on the phone for 40 minutes talking about how much I missed home and wanted to be there. He told me something I will never forget. He said "Madi, just because you are far from home, and a step closer to being independent and not needing me anymore, I am still behind you in everything you do. Don't think for a second that I am not here for you."  This made me feel so much better. Getting bogged down with bills and dishes and living on my own it is so reassuring to hear that your parents still support and love you no matter what happens. 

During family weekend, my parents flew out here, and my brother (who works in Dallas), drove out to come visit.  We all stayed in a hotel together and it felt like home again.  I am definitely a home body and I cannot stand being away from family or home for a long period of time.  Since it's only my brother and me, and I'm the baby, I was the last to leave for college.  My mom always refers to us being together as "her chicks in the nest", and she feels the best in this state. When we were in the hotel, it was like there was nothing else in the world. We all forget about the stresses of our daily lives and work loads, and just relax. We don't have to be doing anything to have a great time. We lay around and talk or watch a movie, and we could not be happier. 

I happened to be watching my parents and how they interact together, and found it so entertaining. I believe that since my brother and I have left home, they have spent so much more time together, that it has brought them even closer than before (they have always been extremely close).  My favorite thing about my parents is how goofy they are all the time. They still have inside jokes from when they met at the age of 15 in high school.  They are by far my favorite couple.  There not only is so much love between them, but they are also truly best friends. I laugh at them because when they get invited to parties at friends' houses, they always groan about how they'd rather sit at home with each other. I tell them they aren't social enough, all in good fun, and they always respond with a chuckle and a response such as "I don't need any other friends, I have my best friend right here."  I love the fact that they are so content with each other, that they don't need anything or anybody else to fulfill their "fun" card in life.  They truly only want to spend time with each other. It astounds me that people who have been married for 30 years and knew each other for many years prior to their marriage, never tire of each other's presence.  

The reason I am writing this blog is to show what I have learned from them. There was one particular instance that occurred over family weekend that made me realize how valuable they are to me.  I was doing homework on my laptop at the desk in our hotel room, and I looked up to see them laughing hysterically.  I removed my earbuds and listened.  My mom had said she felt like some decaf (they literally make decaf coffee every single night), and my dad had gotten up extremely quickly to go make it for her. She leaped off the hotel bed to race him to make both the coffees. This is a common event that takes place in our house. Every night when it is time for decaf, they both jokingly argue and fight over who gets to make the other one coffee.  Watching my mom struggle to get past my 6'3" father simply to do something nice for him was so comical to me, because they still act like children. They are so in love, that they "mock fight" over who gets to do something nice for the other one.  This event occurs so often, I almost forgot how meaningful it is to me.  The simplicity of this action makes it so powerful. I realized that it doesn't matter what you're doing for you loved one, as long as you always want to do it. If you have someone in your life who wants to fight you to make coffee for YOU, don't ever let them go.  I've known from a young age that my parents are perfect for each other, but seeing this and thinking about it so recently has reminded me of what love really is.  Love isn't what it appears to be in books and poems, it is something you simply cannot define. It is racing and fighting each other to make the other one a cup of coffee every night. It is never getting bored of the other person's presence. It is sitting at home on the couch watching your favorite TV show with someone. It is listening when the other person has had a bad day.  It is holding your tongue if it will cause a fight.  It is unconditional. 

I know it seems cliche to write a blog about the meaning of love, but it really is what I have learned and seen so recently. I can only hope that one day I will be with someone who fights me to make me coffee every evening.  I hope I can be the kind of partner that my parents are for each other. In my eyes, their love is the strongest I've ever seen, and I pray that I can someday accomplish what they have. 

Fit of uncontrollable laughter Part 1

A couple weeks ago, my friend texted me and told me I needed to see a video on YouTube, and since I was studying at the time, I threw it aside.  A few days later, she texted me again asking if I liked the video. I happened to be with my best friend in her room at the time, and since I forgot, I quickly loaded it up and watched it with my friend. From the moment the lyrics started, I knew it was going to be an interesting video starting by describing different sounds that animals make, such as "Cow goes moo, dog goes woof", etc. The best part about it was that the singers were totally serious and composed the whole time, and I had no idea if this was a joke video or not. The entire video takes a turn when all of the sudden, the lead singer has fox ears and whiskers, and is wearing a full orange fox outfit. The choruses are then filled with different hilarious sound possibilities of the fox. The song seems incredibly serious, which is what makes it so funny.  The two lead singers (brothers) are stone cold emotional about not knowing the sounds that foxes make.  It is absolutely ridiculous humor. In the end, they walk away from the forrest defeated that they will never know the sound a fox makes. The video is called "The Fox" and it is by Ylvis. 

The video itself is hilarious enough to make me break out in a fit of uncontrollable laughter, but what made it even better was that my best friend was sitting right next to me laughing even harder than I was.  We both amped each other up so much in our laughter, and by the end we were both literally on the floor, curled up, laughing non-stop.  

I have now seen this video so many times, it is getting a little old, and I know all the words and choreography, but it never fails to make me laugh.  To whoever reads this, I strongly suggest looking up some of their other videos (though a little dirty and obscene), they are perfect examples of mockery of American music videos. They take words that American singers use to mean suggestive things, and they explicitly say what they are talking about to make it funny. The group is called Ylvis and they are two European brothers. I strongly encourage anyone to look them up. They are absolutely hilarious. 

Another thing that made this video so meaningful and hilarious to me was the fact that at the beginning of practice, my best friend (who is the coach of our Elite dance team now), turned on this song for our warm-up, and with a totally straight face (she didn't keep it the whole way through the warm up), she lead our stretch to this song. I was actually dying. It kept the joke alive.  Now that the song is getting old, and we discovered it weeks ago, she still plays it every now and then to get a laugh out of me, and last night at practice, she played it when I lead the ab workout. We showed the team the video, so now the joke also includes a lot of my friends and the whole team is able to laugh along when she plays it.  

To me, the reason this video is so hilarious is that I was able to share it right next to my best friend.  We continue to share it because she plays it at practice, and it will get stuck in our heads often. I think I would have enjoyed the video had she not been a part of it, but I probably would have forgotten about it by now or been bored of all the hype it's been getting. However, since she was there with me and it was such a memorable moment watching it with her, I don't think it's possible to forget it. 

So here is this magical video. If you haven't seen it yet, you NEED to watch it. It quite possibly could change your life. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jofNR_WkoCE